I was recently staring at random strangers on the train ride into work (I’m not creepy, I swear) when I took notice of how many people express their sexual or dating style through their clothing choices.  Some girls do this in the form of a sexy mini skirt or plunging neck line.  A guy might have a strategically placed rip in his jeans or fake sock stuffed down his pants... KIDDING! I hope.  But what both sexes really want is for someone, anyone, to pay them some attention.  This became extremely evident when I realized that half of the young & single people walking around New York wear their desperation on their torso.  Some of the T-shirts out there are screaming…”look at me please potential hook-up!!!!”  Here are some fine examples…

"I’m not cheap, but on sale today!" - Now I’m no fashion expert, but as a resident of one of the most fashionable cities in the world, this shirt is NOT COOL.  Not only did the girl wearing it seem un-excusably lonely because of her Tee, but she wasn’t getting any action from it either.  If you’re going to wear a shirt that obvious at least sell the goods, sister.  Get one of those 80’s plastic T-shirt cinchers to show your stomach off or something, cause that isn’t working.

"New York is for Lovers" - All together now, awwww!  No, but seriously, not much to say about it except that if you want to explore your romantic side, this one is for you.  Undies, shown above, are not for outdoor use please.

"Can I hide my nuts in your mouth?" - What in the what!!??  You crude smug bastard!  What makes any man think he can wear this shirt in public without getting bitch slapped by an important feminist business woman in the middle of the street like the dog he is.  Just kidding, this shirt is actually funny!  Not sure why this guy is on the train at 9 am cause he damn sure isn’t going to work, but sense of humor…he lacks none.

"Screw me if I’m wrong, but haven’t we met before?" - Now wait a minute, this is just stupid. Dumb funny maybe, like the way you thought Naked Gun was funny, but now you watch it and see O.J. Simpson so it kind of kills the humor. Then Leslie Nielsen comes in and does something ridiculously snort-inducing, (like pretend to be an umpire during a live baseball game) and you forget all about O.J. But really, quit wearing this shirt people, it’s not as good as it seemed in the store.

*Honorable mention goes out to the “Love Stinks” shirt I see on a very handsome gentleman who lives in my neighborhood. Also the “My Weiner is huge is Japan” tee, that always reminds me of my girl Bonnie.

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